Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
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